Facing my fears

As you know swimming has always been my biggest challenge.  From my first 40m attempt in Strathaven 6 years ago to now getting ready for a 10k open water swim, it's been an interesting journey.  My greatest thrill and fear is when I am in open water and last night in Loch Lomond I started considering what I'd write in this blog, in order to control the other thoughts going on in my head.
Fear isn't rational. The bottom line is when you are in the water in a wetsuit if you get into trouble all you need to do is roll over on your back and you will float. It's that simple. There are no sharks in the water, especially Loch Lomond, and anything that is in there is probably wanting to stay away from you.  But even knowing all of that there are moments when the fear takes over.
Last night there were only 3 of us swimming in Loch Lomond.  There was a course marked out for the Great Scottish Swim so we decided to swim out to the furthest marker. We entered from the slipway to avoid the boulders at our usual entry point. This involved swimming over some weeds in the water which I'm not keen on but again for no good reason. There was a large rusting boat over to the right and I didn't want to look in that direction as I didn't want to see the hull under the water - too many disaster movies going through my head. There were waves hitting me head on at the beginning so it interfered with my breathing.  Soon I was 150m behind my colleagues and I began to think what would happen if I got into trouble - I certainly couldn't catch up with them. What I didn't know was they were keeping an eye on me but my mind was racing through the possibilities, none positive. As a result it's fair to say I wasn't swimming effectively. It's like a vicious circle.
But I started to change my thoughts. How privileged was I to be swimming in such beautiful surroundings. Would I rather be doing this or stuck in a traffic jam or waiting on a delayed plane or even worse lying I'll in hospital? I should be considering myself lucky. The water is so clean and is supporting my body. I started to work on my body position and glide through the water imagining I was a seal. Before I knew it I was at the far away turn point and met my 2 pals.
All the fear had gone. We agreed to swim across the course to other buoys and ended up zig zagging across the loch. The distance was immaterial and it seemed effortless. I felt wonderful, alive and happy as we cut across the loch. As we headed in I tried to ignore the big rusting boat and the weeds but was very aware of them.
Open water swimming is exhilarating and part of that is because it involves risk.  When I was in the middle of the loch I felt vulnerable but that was because I was allowing my fear to get to me. In reality being in my wetsuit with 2 strong swimmers nearby was all the protection I needed. You have to make sure you have the safety aspects covered and if you do then relax and enjoy the experience. In 2 weeks time I will be taking part in a 5k race as part of my preparation for my 10k swim the following week.  The challenge will be hundreds of swimmers having a punch up and some swimming over you so I just have to control my mind.  It's all a learning experience but despite my initial fears I know they will fade and I can relax and enjoy the freedom of my swim. I hope my thoughts will resonate with you and if you have similar fears, give you hope that it can be fun. Swim safe and enjoy.