Build back better!

Yesterday was the Moray Coastal Trail 80km ultra and I was so excited to be racing for the first time since September 2019 with competitors around me ie not a virtual race.  I had decided I was going to race the race rather than just complete the race.  With my coach we designed an ambitious race plan where we agreed the pace for every section and whether or not I stopped at an aid station and if so, for how long - the stops ranged from 90 secs to 2 minutes!
My wife was my crew although officially a supporter as it was an "unsupported race" so she couldn't hand me food or drinks.  Her main job was to tell me when I arrived at a check point if I was on target, how long I had to stop for and how far to the next check point.  I had all this information written down and had studied it but your mind plays tricks on you in these races so it's good to have someone to remind you and it's always amazing how you feel better and pick up your pace when you can see your supporter cheering you on.  As the race went on I lost track of this information so it was a great help.
The race started in Forres and the first 11.2km are on tarmac and a bit boring.  Then you get to the coast and wow what a beautiful run it becomes.  It's more or less flat and as I have found out before in my first Ironman, flat is very tough.  You're running across stunning beaches, miles wide, and I was one of the few wearing short gaiters so had no issues with sand in my shoes like some did.  The organiser said you could wear road or trail shoes so I found a shoe that did both and am glad I did because there were plenty of stones to kick along the way and the "trail sole" did it's best to protect me from the unforgiving large pebble we spent many KMs running over.
There were cliff top trails and stunning forests to run through and I was grateful for the steady tail wind which did it's best to keep the temperature down, but it was warm.
Fiona was reporting to me that I was ahead of schedule despite me trying to keep to the agreed pace.  But once I hit the beaches and the trails the pace slowed significantly.  Running in sand saps your strength but running on sandy trails with big pebbles is really tough and twisting an ankle was a real concern.  However when I did fall, I always fall, it was on a dirt trail and fortunately it was soft earth however try telling that to my shoulder (38km into the race).
To this day I haven't found a food strategy that works as you get sick of gels and bars quite quickly but know you need to keep eating.  In hindsight I carried too much with me and when I got to my drop bag at half way I only ate my custard and drank half a bottle of coke, took a handful of gels and left - in under 3 mins.
My pace was getting slower and slower and my right ankle was sore as was my lower back.  It didn't help that I, along with others, got lost 3 times due to poor signage (it was the first time this race has been run and I'm sure they will attend to this next year) - I heard the leader got lost and was a mile and a half off track (he found his way back and was still in the lead!)
In all my endurance events I've had highs and lows and in the lows the possibility of pulling out the race comes into my head.  But after 45 kms I was starting to walk and walk run and the pain in my ankle and back was getting worse.  There was a 7km section to Kingston that really finished me off and that was along the sandy track with big pebbles next to the beach - it was brutal, the hardest section of the race so I was told.  Eventually it ended and I came to the decision I'd pull out at the next check point as I was concerned that I would really hurt myself and not be able to train as normal and as my "A race" is 8 weeks away, I couldn't afford time out.  I text my wife who was at the check point at Kingston 56km (my garmin said 53km) and she walked out to meet me.  On the way in we talked about the fact there was only 24km to go and I was only 3 minutes behind target despite all my walking in this section (total time 5hrs 29mins).  I could have walked to the finish line in 3.5 hours and got my medal but it was never about just finishing the race, it was about racing the race.  I informed the officials I was pulling out and got in the car and was driven home.
I've only experienced a DNF once before and it made me change my training so I didn't suffer with a hamstring problem again.  As you'd expect I've been given my decision a lot of thought.  Should I just have applied rule 5 (Man The F@@k Up)?  I'm 100% certain I made the right decision as I feel after a couple of days rest and a sports massage, I'll be back running.  But I'll also be back in the gym working on my core because this in my opinion was the main problem.  I hadn't been able to work on my core since I injured my ribs 6 weeks ago followed by my back and my core wasn't strong enough to finish the 80kms properly.
Nobody likes failing but as a friend pointed out, DNF means did nothing fatal!  There's lost of lessons learned but I mustn't forget the positives such as a 4 hr 12 min marathon on a trail which is slower than on tarmac - it also includes all the time I was lost which could take another 10 mins off.  My pace of 53.2km was 6:23 per km but I'm not sure if that's entirely accurate as the organisers have it down as 56km to that point so it was possibly faster - who knows?
We should learn from every race and when you have a set back then "build back better" - where have I heard that phrase before?  The building back starts on Tuesday and the Moray Coastal Ultra did exactly what I needed it to do.  It pushed me hard and I think staying on an ambitious pace target for 56km is a good training run.  
I'll leave you with one last thought.  What makes you have a sleepless night before an event and your stomach churn on a start line is knowing that the result is not guaranteed otherwise it wouldn't be worthwhile.  Growth only occurs outside your comfort zone and it's fair to say that certainly was the case yesterday.  I live to fight another day.  No damage done and 8 weeks till my "A race" - assuming Romania is on the green list but there's nothing I can do about that, other than continue with my training.  Thank you all for your words of support yesterday, they mean a lot.  Thanks to my wife for her "crew" responsibilities which she did so well and to my coach for designing a great training plan around my injuries and always helping me push the limits.